shit my head hurts. again....dayz-in-a-row-now....pollen bastards. in my nose and sinuses and brain..

But the cloud that began around the end of the full moon has finally parted....still a bit overcast, but a few things have unkinked themselves.



I'm looking for cameras that can take being used repeatedly, clicked, unclicked, clicked again.

Clicked and quickly unclicked.....over and over.

so, i think cheap is my solution.

The nice ones breakdown too from lots of usage.

so i may as well just go cheap and can replace it without too much heartache.

pocketache.

And sometimes the cheap surprises you.....in its ability to remain strong.

functioning.



like the dollar store clippper i bought.

those suckers are sharp and cut through so many branches and thick vines.

Oh, I long for a secret garden.

the prince on his way to Aurora.



dammit....my thought is gone, the thougt to pen.

the beautufil woman last night at dinner.

perfect. smooth skin, and full lips, and full breasts, and those teeth.

she did look perfect

and my ambition and action to strive for that always ends in disappointment.

An odd sense of satisfaction periodically bubbles up;



I think if i remain separated from the mainstream for awhile i will find it again.

and maybe it will linger.

but the embarrassment and frustration and feeling shunned and different (even though i seem perfectly regular) always serve to make me more me (but that feels shitty sometimes too....long stretches sometimes) don't even fit in with the weirdos and nerds....like my two nerdy teacher friends who would talk to me and laugh with me and include me were spied leaving for lunch one planning day without any curiosity as to what this poor soul would be ingesting.....and all the arsties....all 1 or 2 i know.....dont think i;m cool enough, obscure and underground enough.....but the mainstreammers and trendsettersare impossible to keep up wwith...'cause we bout to cut back even mo own dat.

so, i shall remain a solitary something or other...wished to think of an animal totem to associate with....a mole came to mine, but then that connotes underground, and i am rarely that.

hmmmmm?

armadillo.



and why those dammed toes and fingers and feet so hard to draw



continue to retreat. not good with disappointment

so, in order to avoid experiencing that very often, i remain isolated.

don'treally like others very much....love them and their humanity.....don't like how i think they think of me.