thinking
still
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
watched, most of , a pgm on On Demand, History channel about ancient aliens. all the cities under the Meditteranena sea, I do not feel like looking that up.
The BhadVaGhita (nor that) and it's reference to a city that was around 12,000 yrs old.
The city was potentially anihaltated (holy shit?????) by something as hot as a nuclear explosion, and some theorize that it was spaceships fighting in the sky above them.
{funny funny feelings inside, just to imagine, maybe to imagine the people i never quite knew}
And the alien depictions in religious art of the Renaissance, and NOah's birth is awfully similar to that of Jesus of Naz.
Man, I have this warm lustful feeling for that human. All the depictions i see of him lately are so damned sexy. I bet he'd have been killer to converse with.
Immaculate......
so if your home is immaculate, is there some connotation to No Sex......
or is it that immaculate conception's not getting "dirty"
Hmmmm?
dirty
head pain
My mother in'laws friend died today.
evelyn Turner.
I really really loved Mrs. Turner
Her husband died back in like NOv or something, and I knew she'd not live long without him.
that, is so romantic.
and I've dreamed of feeling like that.
The BhadVaGhita (nor that) and it's reference to a city that was around 12,000 yrs old.
The city was potentially anihaltated (holy shit?????) by something as hot as a nuclear explosion, and some theorize that it was spaceships fighting in the sky above them.
{funny funny feelings inside, just to imagine, maybe to imagine the people i never quite knew}
And the alien depictions in religious art of the Renaissance, and NOah's birth is awfully similar to that of Jesus of Naz.
Man, I have this warm lustful feeling for that human. All the depictions i see of him lately are so damned sexy. I bet he'd have been killer to converse with.
Immaculate......
so if your home is immaculate, is there some connotation to No Sex......
or is it that immaculate conception's not getting "dirty"
Hmmmm?
dirty
head pain
My mother in'laws friend died today.
evelyn Turner.
I really really loved Mrs. Turner
Her husband died back in like NOv or something, and I knew she'd not live long without him.
that, is so romantic.
and I've dreamed of feeling like that.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
I saw a behavioral health building in Yulee, right at the intersection of Main Street and A1A.
It is beige, with big blue letters. I staredat it for a long time.
I wish to go back to school.
i wish to study medical and mental theories.
And i wish to work with Downs Syndrome children,
At least for now.
i wish to study so many things.
And i could read them on my own, but i won't.
I need the structure of a classroom, groups, and auditory instruction.
i think that may be a big area of learning for me, someone speaking, even though i don't listen very well. I make up my own meaning for things, a lot, and it's wrong, a lot, and people think there's something wrong with me, sometimes, not a lot.
ooh, I;m making a new video and I';m excited, and I get excited about them a lot, think they will bereally beautiful, then it just kind of fizzles,
LIke i see what others make/do and feel inferiour....god damn that demon.
He is for-fucking-midable.
It is beige, with big blue letters. I staredat it for a long time.
I wish to go back to school.
i wish to study medical and mental theories.
And i wish to work with Downs Syndrome children,
At least for now.
i wish to study so many things.
And i could read them on my own, but i won't.
I need the structure of a classroom, groups, and auditory instruction.
i think that may be a big area of learning for me, someone speaking, even though i don't listen very well. I make up my own meaning for things, a lot, and it's wrong, a lot, and people think there's something wrong with me, sometimes, not a lot.
ooh, I;m making a new video and I';m excited, and I get excited about them a lot, think they will bereally beautiful, then it just kind of fizzles,
LIke i see what others make/do and feel inferiour....god damn that demon.
He is for-fucking-midable.
Oh i want my children to soar.
the boy worries me though.
He is very very very emotional, anger that is.
But very into sweetness and loving things.
the cats, love the cats and the things they do.
but he gets so very very upset, irrationally.
over candy, or brushing his teeth, or getting his clothes turned the rightway out.
So, i wonder and worry, because i think of Paul and his emotional state.
Georgia is not like this, at all.
She can handle things.
My son cannot.
the boy worries me though.
He is very very very emotional, anger that is.
But very into sweetness and loving things.
the cats, love the cats and the things they do.
but he gets so very very upset, irrationally.
over candy, or brushing his teeth, or getting his clothes turned the rightway out.
So, i wonder and worry, because i think of Paul and his emotional state.
Georgia is not like this, at all.
She can handle things.
My son cannot.
I wonder about fellow beings who .....hmmmm??? who, like how their days are spendt.
I like it with the d.
How many times are their actions met with disapproval?
re....shit....re...the word was there...
what is the word that is synonymous, sorta, with disapproval, but is starts with re....
met with retiscence???? nope
met with (not resistance)
met withrecompense....no, that's not right....that sounds like compensation.
met with .......F-it.
how can it be there one minute, and gone the next?
I like it with the d.
How many times are their actions met with disapproval?
re....shit....re...the word was there...
what is the word that is synonymous, sorta, with disapproval, but is starts with re....
met with retiscence???? nope
met with (not resistance)
met withrecompense....no, that's not right....that sounds like compensation.
met with .......F-it.
how can it be there one minute, and gone the next?
When I met you in the Restaurant
Oh my.
this is truly cheap therapy.
So I;m still quite envious of friendships and siblingships i read about.
I am developing new relationships though, rekindling old.
the sibling thing though, will always be difficult.
Nobody to really get my back.
I miss my brother terribly at times.
I talk to him a lot.
But i don't dream of him anymore.
And that makes me wonder about dreaming.
We communicated a lot after he died. in my slumber.
But no more.
So, his memory is fading from my mind.
I wonder if we need to have physical contact with people in order to dream about them.
I dreamt of Imelda Marcos not long ago though, and I've never met her.
Dreamt of John Lennon, in a theater, aviator specs, long hair, NYC shirt.
We held hands and pecked one another, so very middle school like, and I loved it...Loved him afterward.
this is truly cheap therapy.
So I;m still quite envious of friendships and siblingships i read about.
I am developing new relationships though, rekindling old.
the sibling thing though, will always be difficult.
Nobody to really get my back.
I miss my brother terribly at times.
I talk to him a lot.
But i don't dream of him anymore.
And that makes me wonder about dreaming.
We communicated a lot after he died. in my slumber.
But no more.
So, his memory is fading from my mind.
I wonder if we need to have physical contact with people in order to dream about them.
I dreamt of Imelda Marcos not long ago though, and I've never met her.
Dreamt of John Lennon, in a theater, aviator specs, long hair, NYC shirt.
We held hands and pecked one another, so very middle school like, and I loved it...Loved him afterward.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
It's thundering and lightning here.
But there is no rain.
I've watched a sillylove story
And i wish the rain would come to wash away piteousregret
I've fallen for the actor in that role
and would do just as the heroine,
But how true is any of what feels right?
terribly fleeting
Sacrifice and
Martyrdom
Nothing radical, just easy, resigned, settled
aging
Andhow different are you really from what you were?
Probably not very.
Regret
resignation into oblivion
And lots of jealousy
Regret
But you thought you tried
And it just wasn't enough
Not good enough in some fucking book.
Others' opinions mattered so much
and they'd be different now, but far more damaging and damning
tsking and tsking and tsking
And the comparisons and competition,
again
Not so different from before.
The audio storm has passed,
no rain to show for it.
stiffened neck, pain into my breast
the electrical warmth will welcome
and I might dream of a gaze, intent to stare, imagine
Maybe dream of a kiss which will summon the storm into my room
For just this night.
(i'm afraid he knows, and alternatives are far too costly, and so very trendy too, and it's all rather sad, misplaced...unfortunate, and lonely, blah)
I dreamt of him, in a room, modular rectangles, high into the atmosphere, and his mate smiled and laughed, and wove in and out of the rectangle, and i walked about the space and looked out the thin highplaced windows at the trees and city so far below, expanding out, with water bordering it all
and he sat and watched all of it.
I watched him watching me look
and I watched her move around, smiling, giggling at something, beautiful shoulder length hair, such a nice smile, warm
Ah Ha!!!!! you've come back my quiet little thundercloud......
But there is no rain.
I've watched a sillylove story
And i wish the rain would come to wash away piteousregret
I've fallen for the actor in that role
and would do just as the heroine,
But how true is any of what feels right?
terribly fleeting
Sacrifice and
Martyrdom
Nothing radical, just easy, resigned, settled
aging
Andhow different are you really from what you were?
Probably not very.
Regret
resignation into oblivion
And lots of jealousy
Regret
But you thought you tried
And it just wasn't enough
Not good enough in some fucking book.
Others' opinions mattered so much
and they'd be different now, but far more damaging and damning
tsking and tsking and tsking
And the comparisons and competition,
again
Not so different from before.
The audio storm has passed,
no rain to show for it.
stiffened neck, pain into my breast
the electrical warmth will welcome
and I might dream of a gaze, intent to stare, imagine
Maybe dream of a kiss which will summon the storm into my room
For just this night.
(i'm afraid he knows, and alternatives are far too costly, and so very trendy too, and it's all rather sad, misplaced...unfortunate, and lonely, blah)
I dreamt of him, in a room, modular rectangles, high into the atmosphere, and his mate smiled and laughed, and wove in and out of the rectangle, and i walked about the space and looked out the thin highplaced windows at the trees and city so far below, expanding out, with water bordering it all
and he sat and watched all of it.
I watched him watching me look
and I watched her move around, smiling, giggling at something, beautiful shoulder length hair, such a nice smile, warm
Ah Ha!!!!! you've come back my quiet little thundercloud......
Sunday, June 13, 2010
So blastedly hot and stifling
And unable to focus.
There's a haze in the air, over the river
Everything's gray.
Like standing next to a big flatpaint battle ship.
Heat felt a good 5 feet away.
So hot.
The garden dirt burn my souls.
And i'm inadvertantly standing in a small pile of ants.
And Mr Shelton starts playing oldschool soul
so dammed loud
And I move, while i pull weeds, and flick ants away from my fingers and toes.
The neighbors have spent 1000 dollars on yardlife.
the sisters are 1/2 Panamanian.
And mesmerizing from a distance.
The older sister tells the younger what to do.
the younger one has 2 boys, one 13, and she looks 17.
People don't get out in this heat, much.
They have water close to them.
And i ache for a freezing pool
Gasping upon enveloping contact.
That goddammed job would never have afforded me one anyway.
NOt until later, and i want the pool now.
I don't like this song on the radio.
And the children's teeth are coated in icecream&soda
And unable to focus.
There's a haze in the air, over the river
Everything's gray.
Like standing next to a big flatpaint battle ship.
Heat felt a good 5 feet away.
So hot.
The garden dirt burn my souls.
And i'm inadvertantly standing in a small pile of ants.
And Mr Shelton starts playing oldschool soul
so dammed loud
And I move, while i pull weeds, and flick ants away from my fingers and toes.
The neighbors have spent 1000 dollars on yardlife.
the sisters are 1/2 Panamanian.
And mesmerizing from a distance.
The older sister tells the younger what to do.
the younger one has 2 boys, one 13, and she looks 17.
People don't get out in this heat, much.
They have water close to them.
And i ache for a freezing pool
Gasping upon enveloping contact.
That goddammed job would never have afforded me one anyway.
NOt until later, and i want the pool now.
I don't like this song on the radio.
And the children's teeth are coated in icecream&soda
Thursday, June 10, 2010
trying to break free of 85 percent of the silli-notions....established norms, perspectives.
Socioculturalcomfort.
Aint givin it all up. like A/c and meat and pop culture and top40 and crapsnacks.
adios coifffededness
pressededness
(those disappeared wayback)
showroomness
People are coming soon and i can box things, stackthings, scrub and deoderize linoleum
but the leather is wearing thin and the table's stained with paint and marker and 2 of the 4 chairs are intact (barely) and the 2 others round the rectangle arent kin.
blue metal and yellow plastic with black metal.
And the folks coming will blast "HOW MANY FISH TANKS DO YOU HAVE?!"
and Mark and i've fought over this, and i kept saying "speak nicely to me"
we can argue, but don't start yelling and stomping around, because i don't do that.
and i do want them to come
and i'll put all the crazy shit in their faces
like my 50% fini bathmat beauty.
she is gorgeous, even without a face
But i have gotten a "what is that?" from a former close friend......
yep, curled lip, "what IS that?"
so i must break free of needing people to approve.
I try, probably too radically at times.
still look atttheir faces sometimes though, and then i feel like withering.
Socioculturalcomfort.
Aint givin it all up. like A/c and meat and pop culture and top40 and crapsnacks.
adios coifffededness
pressededness
(those disappeared wayback)
showroomness
People are coming soon and i can box things, stackthings, scrub and deoderize linoleum
but the leather is wearing thin and the table's stained with paint and marker and 2 of the 4 chairs are intact (barely) and the 2 others round the rectangle arent kin.
blue metal and yellow plastic with black metal.
And the folks coming will blast "HOW MANY FISH TANKS DO YOU HAVE?!"
and Mark and i've fought over this, and i kept saying "speak nicely to me"
we can argue, but don't start yelling and stomping around, because i don't do that.
and i do want them to come
and i'll put all the crazy shit in their faces
like my 50% fini bathmat beauty.
she is gorgeous, even without a face
But i have gotten a "what is that?" from a former close friend......
yep, curled lip, "what IS that?"
so i must break free of needing people to approve.
I try, probably too radically at times.
still look atttheir faces sometimes though, and then i feel like withering.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
I am ocassionally overcome by awe at how our minds have evolved....And most of the time I get to this point by observing and assessing a new invention......very simple inventions especially.
With my over-a-year-long obsession now with fresh water aquaria, I am learning how not to kill certain types of fish (unfortunately done so by trial and error) Freshwater fish are either goldfish (including koi), or tropical, and the 2 cannot typically cohabitate (most tropicals are aggressive and goldfish are not, and goldfish produce large amounts of ammonia in their waste which tropicals cannot handle) Feeding these 2 classifications is a bit involved as well.
Gf will eat anything, need goldfish food because it has a higher caloric content than tropical food...Certain tropicals do well with flakes, but many require special food as well in order to remain healthy, etc.....Cichlids, in their varying forms (African, southAmerican, Angels, Oscars, Parrot fish) require cichlid pellets, but are hoggish like goldfish and will eat just about anything.
I have an eel....He is a recent addition to my show. a fire eel.....He is gorgeous. He looks just like a piece of wood with red and yellow lines.....I have yet to see him eat. but, Ive had him now for a little over 2 weeks, so I feel certain he's eaten something, I just haven't seen it.
I've read up on fire eels and while they will eat pellets and flakes, they do require live food from time-to-time.....I can't stand feeding live things to others. They all know and can sense the impending doom.......even the little invertebrates know something's not kosher.
I bloody tried to feed the eel some ghost shrimp, live ghost shrimp. Did as advised and put him into a bucket with an air source and put 7 really really cute ghost shrimp in with him. Left him for about 6 hours....thought of the poor souls a lot while I was gone. Came back, certain that at least 2 or 3 would have been devoured while the others huddled together in nailbiting terror over what they had just witnessed....I lifted the towel from off the bucket and saw all 7 transparent crustaceans forming a semi-circle around the eel.....notta one was gone.....
And within the tank in which the eel resides I have a good sized Albino African BlackClawed frog.....He will eat nonstop once any form of food hits the water.....so, my point....inventions....simple inventions and our evolution......
The little man at the fish store is so so so helpful and accomodating. He gives me lots of things to try.....different kinds of fishfood, containers to hold aquarium salt, lots of advice.....
I've told him of my fish that I never see eating and how certain tankmates devour everything before others can get to it.....He gave me samples of krill ( i think) in a gel that can be injected into a hiding place to be certain that whoever is in there will get their chance to nibble.
He handed me a plastic medicine syringe/spoon/ thing with a very very long skinny tube popped over the end....He told me it specifically will shoot the gel into these hiding places......
So, the syringe is why I am not ready to give up hope on our species just yet.
and I started to wonder about why we demean ourselves in the name of worshipping deities/ or mono......
I know why, but I think it is contradictory......If we are created in the image of God, why would we not want to praise our ability as "children" of this creator to......find the beauty in how our minds work and create and honor this process......Not belittling ourselves in places of worship, telling this invisible man how great he is.......God is the ultimate father figure, but I don't constantly tell my daddy how great he is and that I'm not worthy to be in his presence.....
That was an arguemnt i had with mymother inlaw about the goin'to heavean thing.
She also made a correlation between God and his children, and how we all treat our own children. I was picking her brain about why she believes that you have to pronounce Jesus as your saviour from sin or you don't go to heaven......And I said that I think that's a very mean God who has dictated that to us.......And why toy with us by giving us free will????? you (God) are saying I have these choices, but if i choose the wrong one I'm doomed....And she made the connection between raising your own children and God's rules for us......But I said that we don't abandond/banish our own children if they make a bad choice.....We love them, try to redirect them, and always offer to take them back in to be cared for if need be.......she didn't say much after that.......mumbled something then went to brush Georgia's hair and tell her to ask for salvation....
With my over-a-year-long obsession now with fresh water aquaria, I am learning how not to kill certain types of fish (unfortunately done so by trial and error) Freshwater fish are either goldfish (including koi), or tropical, and the 2 cannot typically cohabitate (most tropicals are aggressive and goldfish are not, and goldfish produce large amounts of ammonia in their waste which tropicals cannot handle) Feeding these 2 classifications is a bit involved as well.
Gf will eat anything, need goldfish food because it has a higher caloric content than tropical food...Certain tropicals do well with flakes, but many require special food as well in order to remain healthy, etc.....Cichlids, in their varying forms (African, southAmerican, Angels, Oscars, Parrot fish) require cichlid pellets, but are hoggish like goldfish and will eat just about anything.
I have an eel....He is a recent addition to my show. a fire eel.....He is gorgeous. He looks just like a piece of wood with red and yellow lines.....I have yet to see him eat. but, Ive had him now for a little over 2 weeks, so I feel certain he's eaten something, I just haven't seen it.
I've read up on fire eels and while they will eat pellets and flakes, they do require live food from time-to-time.....I can't stand feeding live things to others. They all know and can sense the impending doom.......even the little invertebrates know something's not kosher.
I bloody tried to feed the eel some ghost shrimp, live ghost shrimp. Did as advised and put him into a bucket with an air source and put 7 really really cute ghost shrimp in with him. Left him for about 6 hours....thought of the poor souls a lot while I was gone. Came back, certain that at least 2 or 3 would have been devoured while the others huddled together in nailbiting terror over what they had just witnessed....I lifted the towel from off the bucket and saw all 7 transparent crustaceans forming a semi-circle around the eel.....notta one was gone.....
And within the tank in which the eel resides I have a good sized Albino African BlackClawed frog.....He will eat nonstop once any form of food hits the water.....so, my point....inventions....simple inventions and our evolution......
The little man at the fish store is so so so helpful and accomodating. He gives me lots of things to try.....different kinds of fishfood, containers to hold aquarium salt, lots of advice.....
I've told him of my fish that I never see eating and how certain tankmates devour everything before others can get to it.....He gave me samples of krill ( i think) in a gel that can be injected into a hiding place to be certain that whoever is in there will get their chance to nibble.
He handed me a plastic medicine syringe/spoon/ thing with a very very long skinny tube popped over the end....He told me it specifically will shoot the gel into these hiding places......
So, the syringe is why I am not ready to give up hope on our species just yet.
and I started to wonder about why we demean ourselves in the name of worshipping deities/ or mono......
I know why, but I think it is contradictory......If we are created in the image of God, why would we not want to praise our ability as "children" of this creator to......find the beauty in how our minds work and create and honor this process......Not belittling ourselves in places of worship, telling this invisible man how great he is.......God is the ultimate father figure, but I don't constantly tell my daddy how great he is and that I'm not worthy to be in his presence.....
That was an arguemnt i had with mymother inlaw about the goin'to heavean thing.
She also made a correlation between God and his children, and how we all treat our own children. I was picking her brain about why she believes that you have to pronounce Jesus as your saviour from sin or you don't go to heaven......And I said that I think that's a very mean God who has dictated that to us.......And why toy with us by giving us free will????? you (God) are saying I have these choices, but if i choose the wrong one I'm doomed....And she made the connection between raising your own children and God's rules for us......But I said that we don't abandond/banish our own children if they make a bad choice.....We love them, try to redirect them, and always offer to take them back in to be cared for if need be.......she didn't say much after that.......mumbled something then went to brush Georgia's hair and tell her to ask for salvation....
*********** This must be sung to I feel Pretty.....just that refrain---"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty and gay...." over and over........
I need money..............
lots of money..............
I need money
Please honey provide.............
I need money........
Wads of money.........
I've a desperate urging inside..............
I'd buy buildings
with big windows
And some riverfront acreage for fun
I'd see Russia
and a ghost town
Pay-0ff foreign police as we run!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We'd be happy
oh so happy
We would barely have difficult times
We'd not argue
or feel disgust
Hearing heavenly bellchoir chimes.....
Come on Lotto
or that BigBall
give me fortune to let my mind soar
I'd be frugal,
at least sometimes
Never flaunting the wealth like a whore.
So where are you
my redemption
My sweet lover
and giver of hope
I'd take Franklins
in a semi
Bound in bundles with organic rope
I;ll keep dreaming
bits of scheming
To become independent from strife
and then one day
When I'm real old
Bet that fortune will enter my life
Broken hip casts
made with fine plasts
The best doctors and nurses around
Saggy features
hanging boobies
Leaving drag marks all over the ground
But I'll take it
if that's just it
At least I could help my kids have fun
Old L perry
in ElPaso
with her walker and young hunk Beh'run
I need money..............
lots of money..............
I need money
Please honey provide.............
I need money........
Wads of money.........
I've a desperate urging inside..............
I'd buy buildings
with big windows
And some riverfront acreage for fun
I'd see Russia
and a ghost town
Pay-0ff foreign police as we run!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We'd be happy
oh so happy
We would barely have difficult times
We'd not argue
or feel disgust
Hearing heavenly bellchoir chimes.....
Come on Lotto
or that BigBall
give me fortune to let my mind soar
I'd be frugal,
at least sometimes
Never flaunting the wealth like a whore.
So where are you
my redemption
My sweet lover
and giver of hope
I'd take Franklins
in a semi
Bound in bundles with organic rope
I;ll keep dreaming
bits of scheming
To become independent from strife
and then one day
When I'm real old
Bet that fortune will enter my life
Broken hip casts
made with fine plasts
The best doctors and nurses around
Saggy features
hanging boobies
Leaving drag marks all over the ground
But I'll take it
if that's just it
At least I could help my kids have fun
Old L perry
in ElPaso
with her walker and young hunk Beh'run
birthday comin' choo choo
birthday comin' whoo whoo
birthday comin' round the bend
one day closer to the end....
such a peaceful place, for a bit
Maybe hospital like for awhile
We were told that's what it was like for Paul
then my mom dreamt of him making rulers
and being on the beach, walking to the stilt house he was in.
and she had a big dog with her.
nothing ever really definitive with the psychics.
Once, the only really good bit i remember my parents relaying to me
and my mother hesitated because she thought I'd be offened.
They asked Sally why my brother had not made himself know to me.
She began acting out pushing things aside, looking through things.....like peeping through tiny openings.
"He says there's lots of messes everywhere, things are piled"
HOLY SHIT!
ain't no way that'd be available in some database....cool......
birthday comin' whoo whoo
birthday comin' round the bend
one day closer to the end....
such a peaceful place, for a bit
Maybe hospital like for awhile
We were told that's what it was like for Paul
then my mom dreamt of him making rulers
and being on the beach, walking to the stilt house he was in.
and she had a big dog with her.
nothing ever really definitive with the psychics.
Once, the only really good bit i remember my parents relaying to me
and my mother hesitated because she thought I'd be offened.
They asked Sally why my brother had not made himself know to me.
She began acting out pushing things aside, looking through things.....like peeping through tiny openings.
"He says there's lots of messes everywhere, things are piled"
HOLY SHIT!
ain't no way that'd be available in some database....cool......
I'm not really good at this living thing.
Can't wait til things are different, better.
don't really care for children much under 8 or 10.
Can't stand boring routine, expected behaviour, redundancy...and yet they are necessssary in order to accomplish antyhgin really.
I spoke with my girlfriend about the bulk of thougths i carey....psycholigcal and material.
And if i am to accomplish anything with any of them i will need a hightly structured day, and yet i wake, urinate, stumbel to press the coffee button, oversee my daughter's exodus into the day, and then begin...................nothing.........Lots of puttering, sitting withcafffeiene, spiral notebooks, magazines, overdue libraby something or others, some sneezing, putting something together for Jackson Paul to ingest...
My spouse has attempted (when we are at yet another impasse), to not compeletly alienate me, by telling me to schedule my day...He's even gone so far as to create one for me, which might typically have pissed me off, but he was sincere, not done in anykind of patronizing way, which in the past may have happennned....It's still on the fridge.
so, bootstraps, bootstraps, here i come....
tomorrow maybe.
my music machine is dead
I'm lost.
Can't wait til things are different, better.
don't really care for children much under 8 or 10.
Can't stand boring routine, expected behaviour, redundancy...and yet they are necessssary in order to accomplish antyhgin really.
I spoke with my girlfriend about the bulk of thougths i carey....psycholigcal and material.
And if i am to accomplish anything with any of them i will need a hightly structured day, and yet i wake, urinate, stumbel to press the coffee button, oversee my daughter's exodus into the day, and then begin...................nothing.........Lots of puttering, sitting withcafffeiene, spiral notebooks, magazines, overdue libraby something or others, some sneezing, putting something together for Jackson Paul to ingest...
My spouse has attempted (when we are at yet another impasse), to not compeletly alienate me, by telling me to schedule my day...He's even gone so far as to create one for me, which might typically have pissed me off, but he was sincere, not done in anykind of patronizing way, which in the past may have happennned....It's still on the fridge.
so, bootstraps, bootstraps, here i come....
tomorrow maybe.
my music machine is dead
I'm lost.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
And speaking of old frailwomenfolk.
When i worked at the fort Caroline Publix, in the now defunct Gazebo shopping center (the area had such charm, little beer serving ciggie smoking movie therattrer)
I was working at the service desk and this trenchcoat clad old lady approached rather stealthily for someone in her respiratory state.
she carried an old lady purse, which is now considered fashionable/vintage/character laden....I believe i have one that is probably a reproduciton of the one she held clutched to her chest.....handstraps tucked under her chin......I stood in my little square opening, between the computer recess and lottery apparatus.....waiting, assesssing.....She looked cute, witht that fast walk, small stature, sense of desperation to quickly accomplish something.....
Immediately, before I finished my typically warm and needy "hELLoooooooooooo----------"
she opened her red leather pocketbook and puked into it, still so swift, expert like in the mechanics of popping the brass cinch closure ( i don't know what it's called, but it's n ot a snap, it makes a fab popping sound, it's almost like yo0u are snapping your fingers to open it) and making sure the regurgitated stream went directly inside, not a drop spilling to the floor....
I believe she may have vomitted again, gasping for any forgiving wisp of breath, and when she finally stopped retching long enough to request my service, she croaked a pathetic, "pack of camels...................unfiltered.."
I realized that she was vomitting, most likely, goo from her lungs.....(don't know if that's physiologically possible) It was yellowy beige in color.....and she contiued to fill her c. 1960's scarlet beauty with festering spew......paid, in cash, for her pack of assassins, and retreated out the doors to partake in her carcinogenic orgy.
When i worked at the fort Caroline Publix, in the now defunct Gazebo shopping center (the area had such charm, little beer serving ciggie smoking movie therattrer)
I was working at the service desk and this trenchcoat clad old lady approached rather stealthily for someone in her respiratory state.
she carried an old lady purse, which is now considered fashionable/vintage/character laden....I believe i have one that is probably a reproduciton of the one she held clutched to her chest.....handstraps tucked under her chin......I stood in my little square opening, between the computer recess and lottery apparatus.....waiting, assesssing.....She looked cute, witht that fast walk, small stature, sense of desperation to quickly accomplish something.....
Immediately, before I finished my typically warm and needy "hELLoooooooooooo----------"
she opened her red leather pocketbook and puked into it, still so swift, expert like in the mechanics of popping the brass cinch closure ( i don't know what it's called, but it's n ot a snap, it makes a fab popping sound, it's almost like yo0u are snapping your fingers to open it) and making sure the regurgitated stream went directly inside, not a drop spilling to the floor....
I believe she may have vomitted again, gasping for any forgiving wisp of breath, and when she finally stopped retching long enough to request my service, she croaked a pathetic, "pack of camels...................unfiltered.."
I realized that she was vomitting, most likely, goo from her lungs.....(don't know if that's physiologically possible) It was yellowy beige in color.....and she contiued to fill her c. 1960's scarlet beauty with festering spew......paid, in cash, for her pack of assassins, and retreated out the doors to partake in her carcinogenic orgy.
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