I took Georgia to her school's bookfair yesterday. $60 freakin' dollars later and our new purchases are scattered about the house....I did get one of my beleoved Can You See What I See books....Oh i love them
I love miniature....I think i'd like to create little vignettes everywhere.....little things....little people, little food, little windows and doors, and use things that are not what they seem to be.
So, as my children and i are walking up to the bookfair, she spies the little girl who lives in our neighborhood and whose birthday get together we just attended at the kids' pizza place.
And that little girl was so sweet to my daughter at the pizza place....and ran around with her and hugged her and squealed about how much she loved her when she opened the little petshop present we gave her......
This child is twofaced though....she has been nasty to mine, in front of me, in front of her mother.
Her mother just claims that she is moody and mildly corrects her, but never makes it into an issue, the fact that her child ignores mine in front of others, goes back and forth with acknowledging my child and intentionally turning her back to her when she's asking her a question.
As we got closer to the library, my daughter mentioned her name to me and i immediatley wondered if she'd ignore her.....I mean, all she has to do is wave or say hello to her....she doesn't have to stop and hug or have a conversation....
She was talking to a classmate, looked at my daughter, and said nothing....NOTHING...in response to my child's greeting....Even if she didn't hear her she should have acknowledged my child saying hello to her.....And i told my child that was it.....I told her not to speak to her anymore, at all.....don't say hello...nothing....If the child says hello to her she should respond, but she should not initiate the greetings, at all, anymore
This child is from a situation in her home where the parents HATE one another.......and it is affecting this child....She is probably jealous of my daughter because Georgia is tall, thin, pretty, warm, and smart....and also very very loving and forgiving....desperate for this child to be her friend....And the child knows it and uses it against mine.......knows that she can be a bitch to her and my daughter will keep coming back.......
thinking
still
I am scared, darling. My dad is particularly furious. apparently there was a situation at a chicken restaurant Thursday night, with me crawling around the floor. We know nothing about this stuff, except that we have two cousins, but never here nothing until they are hospitalized. I am heavily medicated; but the same eds that I took last night seem to be having no effect so far tonight 2.5 hours). My father cannot accept that there is something wrong with me to the point that he is accusing me of behaving in this manner to "work" the system. I am so ashamed. There is not a way out. People like Emily Dickinson came from money and were taken care of. I am bu the son of a poor poliiceman whoo does not even believe that there is anything wrong with me, rather that I am a fraud. WHat am I supposed to do with that?
ReplyDeleteJOe.....grab yer ass up by the boot straps and get away.....Truly.....I wouldn't want to be around it (meaning being around my parents if they are pissed at me)....Get off the meds, as much as possible, exercise obsessively, try to eat some ( a lot of ) healthy things, maybe learn some meditative stuff....Keep writing, creating, work on yourself.....Darling....i'm scared for you, but you have a brilliant mind (which can be trouble) but you have to take what seems like the hard road and get better on your own...No meds man......they REALLY fuck withyou eventually..
ReplyDeleteHope I haven't pissed you off, but i am in a similar boat with being majorly midlife crisis regretful, terrified of getting old and having never done anythign extraordinary, fearful of seriously fucking up, bored with all of this, terrified of my children eventually feeling this way, and i suggest these things because i have to remind myself to do exactly the same....Have never been on meds, but everyone i know eventually has some type of issue with them....And that would be the best medicine, to know that you've brought yourself up through all of it....
Ask the universe/god....to show you how to do.....i do.....don't know if i get answers all the time, but everything we think, feel, do, say creates an energy (quantum/subatomic theories) that disperse out into the world and attract like energy...or so it goes...don't axe me no specifiths.....I believe it though.....Wish wish wish wish wish i could go back to school to study all these things that i want to know......
Do you damnedest (how do you spell that) to get on home....your own place....believe that there is a higher energy that wants you to self acctualize....I still haven't yet.....
How do they handle the death of your sister?
My parents worry a lot for me, but i could never allow that to happen to them again....Have considered it, never too seriously though.....I could not have them lose another child.....my god it was awful watching what they went through.....i mean, i can't even my ass hit by a truck...y'know.....
Melted some glass with my mom this weekend in North Carolina! Its cool that you can back your lil girl up like that.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't read this previously because I saw the words "I hope I haven't pissed you off at first glance, which I always hated the expression, "No Offense," which is to say, Offense, but I am going to say it anyway...
ReplyDeleteI am headed home. I want to get off these meds because they are controlling my life. This doc just dosed them up but has not listened in 9 months. Now out of work a month, unable to function, it is really silly. The exercise, I will try that tact. I am 40 and for 20 years that has not been part of my life. I actually was since this all started, but break down in the bod cause my own doc to tell me to stop.
The best thing about how I feel is that I have simply stopped eating. THe ridiculous consumption pattern has certainly led to this mess.
What you say about your parents and another child, this is something we shared, but our two lives are very dissimilar even if we are not. I am waking now with mouthfuls of blood. I have physical maladies out the yin-yang. I have no responsibility to progeny.
I never worried about accomplishment I was not driven with the desire to be anything, so became nothing. I tried to prepare, to put myself in place. Instead of a generalized advanced degree, I majored in my own field. BUt these "choices" as my friend Brooks says, are also my own undoing.
I am going to my own place. I waited 19 years to get to AB. I have wanted to be there and I have it set how I want it.
As for my parents and the loss, they see me deteriorating and they seem to be thinking, this could happen. My father, so much older, days seem to add weeks and moths are like years... Still he works himself doing things he cannot do. My mother, spry, but waking later and going to bed earlier. cannot do it all anymore.
At the beginning of this I worried for them. Now that they have seen me, been around me, again, they seem more resolved.