My friend, Christina, has requested a daily entry. I've not been attentive in the past few days. It's hard when I've got lots of other things to focus upon. I like writing, though. It's seeing a cybershrink. I am eating lots and lots of coconut oil. It is so yumnmy, but not at first. it was like ....maybe......like having hot jizz in your mouth. Blech.....that shit is digusting. blech!!!!!!! i like the coconut oil. it seems to oil my brain. I'm like the goddamned tin man. my fucking left jaw hurts so fucking bad. so fucking bad. I've been DDS advised to take 4 ibuprofen, but I don't want to do it a lot. it really really hurts. all of this discomfort is because I am not relaxed. I think I am far more relaxed about things than I have been in the past, but all of these years of struggle are tantamount to (fill in d'blahnk) and do they continue???? I have longed for love. but it's an illusion. so there. that's it then. the pain will lessen once I am in love with what is. and it is not what i wanted and it is not what i want. it is not what i need. but what i need is to do things alone. years and years would work wonders. I'm jealous of the dead.